Do you have rituals for SI?

I have patterns. If it is daytime and I am alone in the house and I am just using scissors I sit at the top of the stairs where I can look out the window and all the way down the street. If it is daytime and I am alone in the house and I am using a blade on my arm I will sit at the kitchen desk looking into the back garden. If it is night after everyone has gone to bed and I am doing my arm I'll do it in front of the TV (so no one hears). I always do my leg in the bathroom; I never do it at night. I never cut when there is some one else awake in the house. The fear of discovery is crippling. [female, age 23, 5 years SIB (some at age 8, though), four years of college]

I don't have a ritual, self-injurious behavior is a last resort for me. It's usually not premeditated and I don't know I'll do it until I have the knife against my skin. When I was young, it was one of the first solutions to come to mind. Now that I'm an 'adult,' I feel I should be more responsible and in control of my impulsivity. [female, 25, 20 years SIB, college degree]

I usually get all my supplies: razor, towel (so blood does not get on the furniture). I then lay down on the sofa and begin. There are certain words that are carved into my stomach, and I recarve those words. After that is done, if I feel the need to do more I will just cut straight lines until I feel the wounds are just about to warrant medical attention. [female, 25, 1 year SIB, M.S.]

I don't really have a ritual, I don't think. I have to be alone, in a closed room, dimly lit, possibly listening to calm, or enraging music. I usually sit on the floor in a corner, and even though I know noone can hear me, I stay as quiet as possible. [female, 20, 8 years SIB, some college]

I get my "blood rag." It's an old white shirt that I drape over my lap and rest my arm on so that I don't get blood all over my clothes. I make a couple "test cuts" to get myself into it; lines/slashes that aren't very long, but sometimes a little deep. Then I carve a word, usually whatever word I am feeling about myself ("bad," "poor," etc.). I might carve a symbol like a cross to show my despair even in God. And also maybe a name or initials of a person (could be a celebrity, could be someone I've known) that I really admire, and is important to me. I don't mean that as an insult to them, though. I can't stop a cutting session easily; I have to make sure the words/letters are legible and equally deep. [female, 19, 3 years SIB, college freshman/honors student]

It sounds weird, but I used to have to cut sitting on my desk chair, with a pink razor. Only pink... I dont know why, but I thought it was bad luck to use any other color. [female, 18, 5 years SIB, high school senior]

I keep a supply of gauze pads, tape, and antibiotic cream. I take them (and the razor blade) out first and lay them on my night table. The lights are low and I sit and think about what I'm about to do for a minute or so. I then start cutting, sometimes little cuts at first and then the larger ones. After I'm finished, I clean off the blood, usually put on the antibiotic and put a piece of gauze over it, and go to bed. [female, 40, 6 years SIB, college degree]

i begin very carefully, as if "this time" i won't let the urges to do a lot of damage overtake me. i go to the bathroom and close the door. my breathing gets very quiet. i examine myself very carefully and decide where i will pick or tweeze. gradually i will agree (with myself) to use implements or break the skin; eventually i start looking for scabs, hairs, freckles, or other areas i can "attack." afterwords, when i feel ashamed, i will put alcohol on the wounds to deaden the pain with the burning sensation, or apply moisturizer which seems to lessen the overt bleeding. [female, 23, 6 years SIB, BA]

I close myself up in the bathroom and find the razor where i hide it. I sit down and started cutting on my wrist and once i feel i have cut myself enough i pour alcohol over it until the pain starts to go away. I usually put a bandage on it and go on with whatever it was i was doing before. [female, 31, <1 year SIB, 10th-grade education]

I close all the shades to my room, light candles on my bed, and incense (which I burn myself with, too), rub my arm with alcohol, and cut away while I'm listening to Enigma. [female, 16, 1 year SIB, high school]

I make a prayer to my friends and those that I love most dearly and then kiss my rings, my razor and then start to cut. [male, age 16, 6 months SIB]

Yes, I used to have a ritual. I used to set out everything I ever used, like a selection of weapons at a duel. It almost always happens late at night. I am almost always in my bed. [female, age 17, 5 yrs SIB, HS senior]

I place my wrists under hot running water to reveal the veins. I then retreat to my bedroom for privacy. I start to cut vertical slits on my left wrist, usually four or five. I work each slit until it bleeds, then I suck the blood from the site. This usually stops the bleeding and quenches my taste for blood, which i acquired about a year ago. Then I wrap the wrist with gauze and sit back and enjoy the rush. [female, age 19, 3 yrs SIB, one year college]

I go to the bathroom and close the door. I look in the mirror and think about how much I hate myself, and how ugly I am. I start usually with my face or arms, then move to my breasts and abdomen, then to my upper legs. Sometimes when I think about God, I stop. [female, 29, 6 years SIB, health-care professional]

Every time I injure, I prepare for it during the day, I always injure after midnight, and I always go to the same geographical location to do it. [male, 20, 8 yrs SIB]

With the cutting I have a particular towel I use to catch the blood. I also have wet and dry paper towels handy for when i want to stop and I always lie on my bed to do it. [female, age 42, 29 years SIB, HS education]

I become fascinated with the amount of blood coming out of me, and the amazing colors. [female, 29 yrs, ?]

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